Smurfs and Bandits

Too much!  

Although I found myself looking forward to the match during the afternoon, Wednesday evening was too much for this Boffin blogger. 

For starters, I was required to adjudicate the Smurfs v College match prior to the Boffins v Bandits main event. 

I hate refereeing.  

I'm more of an observer than an interventionist.  The whistle is too slow to my lips.  And when the Smurfs are playing, the ref needs to get on the whistle early to bring them into line. 

Well, that never happened.  Never actually happens in any match.  So what eventuated was not too far away from some of the more classic come-from-behind tackles illustrated here. (NB you might want to turn the sound down.  The music doesn't help convey the message).

Ultimately a bit intimidating for the young college side.  Even mild mannered Mr A couldn't hold back from giving the ref a verbal spray.   (Note to self: do better next time!  And maybe get Mr A a bottle of red?) 

Suitably discomfited, I joined the rest of the Boffins as we lined up against the Bandits.  

But hang on a minute, lads.  Where's Stu the starring super-sub?  

As play began I scanned the pitch in search of the secret weapon.  He hadn't told me that he was going to miss the match.  

Dan had. He'd sent an apology picture: 

The Bandits had seemed under-manned prior to the match.  But they took the pitch with seven men...

The Boffins started well.  We were hitting some sort of rhythm, and finding our way to the Bandits goal time after time.  But every time we were repelled by a player  in blue who I'd never seen before.  His crashing horizontal tackles, taking out player and ball simultaneously, reminded me strongly of our missing......

Stu!  Hang on!  That's our Stu.

That was our Stu.  We'll have to convene some sort of emergency meeting to consider whether we still regard Stu as one of us after he stopped at least three attacks that otherwise would have resulted in certain goals.  He had a pearler of a game.  He didn't sub-off.  Mighty impressive. 

Ant was back, with his ankle recovered, and contributed a goal in the second half after we went to the break nil all.  Bob/John also scored.  Jenks sent headers into the goal mouth from Dave's crosses and corners all night, but I don't think he scored the third goal.  Can't recall who did.  I know for certain it wasn't Dave.  Matt had a wayward crack, but asserted himself in the backline again and consolidated his record of never playing in a losing Boffins side.  Hammy left his wife in labour to play his last guilt-free game of soccer.....

Just kidding.  The baby hasn't come yet.  And anyway, Hammy's not the kind of guy to feel guilty about leaving his wife with the newborn to spend a bit of time with the lads.....

Not when they win three-nil.

Standing up

Boffin Pete's been hurting since Wednesday night.  

But we all agree that the goal was magnificent.  I'm saying he was 20metres out.  There was an opening that no-one else saw.  This ball moved in a graceful horizontal arc through the air, completely bamboozling the keeper with it's spin as, with minimal elevation, it hit the back of the net at head height.  

Shame it was an equaliser, and not a match-winning moment. 

I think we'd all say that we're satisfied, however, with a 1-1 draw against the Smurfs.  

It was clear from the outset that this was a more aggressive Boffins outfit than the mob that let in four goals over ten minutes when these teams last met.  Was it the absence of supportive offspring?  

Perhaps it was the presence of Boffin Matt in defence.  Smurf attackers quaked as the growling battle cry of Matt bore down on them relentlessly.  Wave after wave of attacking Smurfs were mown down in high velocity, high impact tackles that inevitably involved legal foot-on-ball contact.  It was a delight to watch from the vantage point of the goal mouth.  Matt's record of not playing in a losing Boffin team this season remains intact. 

Boffin Stu stood up.  Eager to prove that he has a worthy contribution to make, the Super-Sub was an immoveable object in defence.  Stu did more from the deck than any other Boffin, perfecting lethal sliding tackles that fulfilled what must now surely become the Boffin defensive hallmark:

1.  Ball cleared

2.  Attacking player felled. 

By the time the Smurf attackers made it through the oomph had gone from their shots.  The Doc, in goal for the Boffins, seemed to have the ball on a string.  Apart from on errant effort from Smurf Malcolm in the middle of the first half, Smurf shots seemed to regularly smack into his palms.  He'd also taken a leaf from Matt and Stu's book, and tried a few low-but-legal tackles.  One particular high impact collision has left him, like Boffin Pete, feeling his age a few days later. 

But the memory of Boffin Jenks deploying an f-bomb to dispute a line call seem to be getting him through!  Hilarious aggression.  Good stuff.   

We had luck.  

We had them psyched.  

It was wonderful to see Smurf Jim - lethal in previous encounters -  lacking confidence to shoot.  I could almost see the synapses firing as his eyes darted around.  'The ball's at my feet.  Is that Matt  I hear behind me?  Should I shoot before Stu arrives?   Are we aiming it at the keeper's hands tonight?'

And therein, Boffins, lies my one concern.  Did they play for the draw?  What does this do for our position on the ladder?  Were they playing with a final in mind?  Is there a final?

The night delivered far more than I'd expected.  Well done, Boffins.  

Resuming hostilities

Boffin Dan and I were bottling home-brew this afternoon.  

It may yet turn out that this is not the ideal way to prepare for a match against the Smurfs - scheduled for Wednesday night this week, after a three-week hiatus.  Still, we're good at it, and home brewing - unlike soccer - is something we're going to get better with over time.  So we're playing to our strengths. 

I'd be very happy if our red ale tastes anything like this one:

But outside, it's been raining for 48hrs.  There were torrents of water down the streets this afternoon, and I'm pretty sure that the pitch will be under water.  (The web tells me that Mt William, not far away in the Grampians,  had the most rain in the state 'til 0900 today, with 70mm in 24 hours).  It's shaping up to be a low-skill, high-risk slog against the team-to-beat of this year's competition.  

Yes, the Boffins have relinquished that mantle.  As a team, we're bigger, slower, older and - I think it must be said - less skilled.  

I don't really know how to put a good spin on this.  I'm worried, and I'm not ready to go out on the pitch again.  

I'm hoping for a cancellation.  

I'd rather stay at home and brew.

Fire me up, somebody!

Andrew